Perimeno-PLAY

Blog #15: Perimeno-PLAY

Perimenopause is a bitch.

Bottom line, you’d think something we have to go through as women would at least be manageable. But God does give His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.

So I’m going to rely on my lady balls and power through.

But first…

I’m going to whine.

A lot.

Sleepless nights… I can’t handle them. I go to bed tired and lay there for hours waiting for the REM cycle to kick in.

Nada!

Not one damn wink of sleep.

So I do the usual…

Mentally replay the most embarrassing argument I lost in my young adult life, but this time I land every intelligent comeback with fire.

I win…

Go over the next few days' to-do lists and appointments. I’m better at getting stuff done if I have the game plan memorized.

Scroll…

No, don’t scroll.

Scroll.

Turn the phone off.

What if someone needs me?

Phone back on.

Phone out of reach.

Roll over.

Maybe it’s my pillow. Maybe I need to be uncovered.

Now it’s cold.

One leg.

Monster under the bed.

Fuck it. I’ll sweat.

Finally, around 4 a.m., I’m so out of it that I finally pass out. I sleep until noon, and then my day is shot.

I sweat like a muscle builder on arm, leg, and butt day. I have to use double the deodorant and add powders to ensure I don’t smell like gym shorts.

Also, my inner thermostat changes temperatures like there’s a perimenopausal married couple in my brain fighting over whether I should be 98 degrees or 32 degrees.

Covers? Pants? Shorts? Snuggy?

I never know what to wear, and usually I’m never comfortable anyway.

At least I’m not experiencing mood swings. I remember my mother always told me that hormonal changes are not an excuse to be rude or moody to others. That mentality keeps me from causing my husband to question his choices in life—mainly the one where he chose me!

Having said that…

I am excited to start a journey where the grand prize is no more monthly shark weeks!

I mean, it is the golden egg of feminine trophies.

But…

Chin hairs.

Wax, personal groomers, razors, or Nair?

Don’t do Nair. It hurts.

Wax lasts, but the personal groomer is the fastest. It’s best to have tweezers or a travel personal groomer in your purse because, I promise you, you didn’t get them all.

That, and they grow back as fast as it took you to put the grooming option away.

Fatigue.

Deep-in-your-bones fatigue!

I sleep hardcore for the 24 hours before my period now. And the brain fog on top of the lupus brain fog is just a cruel joke!

BUT.

I look at my girls.

My body gave them life.

Blessings from above, am I right?

I don’t know, guys. The truth of the matter is, when it comes down to it, the symptoms suck, the blessings that come out of it are bomb, and I can’t help but look at the brighter side of it while bitching about the obvious.

Am I right?

There is one thing about someone with an autoimmune disease who is also starting perimenopause: we want to be productive.

Being productive is one of the hardest things for us to do.

Perimenopause has a lot of the same symptoms autoimmune diseases do, too—and then some. It just makes it harder.

So I guess my question is…

How do you cope?

What works for you?

And how are we going to band together and get our prize?!