Things I Wish My Younger Self Had Known

Can I just say that my blog topic choice is about as cliché as it gets?

But! I can guarantee that if you ask any person over 40 what they wish they could tell their younger self, they’ll have a laundry list of answers—usually followed by a caveat about which lesson was the most important.

As a parent, it’s incredibly easy to answer this question. If anyone asked me what should be included in a how-to book about raising children, I’d say it should be a compilation of answers to this very question:

“If I could go back and talk to my younger self, what would I say?”

Hilariously enough, if you have children, I bet they could answer it for you.

How many times, while correcting your child’s behavior, have you uttered the words, “Look, take it from me,” or “I speak from experience”? Or my personal favorite: “If only I could go back, I would do this differently!”

If you can’t answer the question directly, think about how you’ve parented your children differently because of something you lived through when you were younger.

Right off the bat, I’d convince my younger self—forever referred to as YS from this point forward—to ask for the chance to go to therapy and learn how to cope with some of the trauma I endured throughout my childhood.

Now, I’m having to unlearn behaviors and work through experiences that have had massive effects on my mindset and the way my thought process works. It is truly difficult to change the way you have thought about and treated yourself your entire life so that you can become a healthier, happier version of yourself.

I’d tell my YS that when people tell you to be yourself unapologetically, do it.

Be yourself.

Don’t water yourself down so you can be someone else’s favorite beverage.

Don’t be embarrassed to respectfully say, “No,” or “I don’t agree with that.” It isn’t rude. You’re being honest and staying true to yourself.

All my cards on the table: FUCK PEER PRESSURE.

If you have to endure punishment because you went along with the group—or you’re stuck in a crowd that doesn’t share your values—GTFO. You have control over how you live and who you allow around you.

YS, they don’t care.

They aren’t thinking about you or your new haircut. They aren’t staring at you, and you didn’t do anything wrong.

I struggled—and still struggle—with anxiety. One of my biggest issues has always been believing that if someone I’m friends with seems upset, I must have done something wrong. Moreover, I believed it was my responsibility to fix it.

No.

Full stop.

You do not control everyone else’s mood.

And I don’t mean that you’re self-centered. I mean that you are not so unworthy that people automatically have a negative opinion of you.

Be yourself, and let them react accordingly.

And if they actively gaslight you?

FUCK ’EM.

Anyone who isn’t cheering you on is weighing you down. Learn to support your friends wholeheartedly—and expect their support in return.

But if they come to you because they’re genuinely concerned about your well-being?

Hold them tighter.

Those are the golden gems who truly care.

Next, to my youthful YS: Don’t overdo it.

You don’t have to run yourself ragged to prove that you’re enough. After decades of people-pleasing and going so many unnecessary extra miles, the over-40 version of me is now navigating a plethora of chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases.

Chill OUT!

Take the time to truly care for yourself. Your physical and mental health both deserve your attention.

The best future begins with a healthy present.

Finally, YS, stop constantly worrying.

Let go.

Let God.

At 40, you’ll finally learn that protecting your peace and genuinely handing your future over to God eliminates the need to control everything. It saves you from the upset stomachs, the inability to enjoy the present, and the constant feeling of being wound tighter than a two-dollar watch.

On the flip side, when you finally learn how to live in peace, you’ll get to watch life unfold in front of you like a red carpet made just for you.

Think of how much unnecessary trauma you could avoid creating and putting yourself through.

Imagine how many races to the bathroom with the shits you could’ve avoided!

And if you’re a younger reader, embrace yourself.

Love yourself.

Be yourself.

You were made by whatever deity or spiritual force you choose to follow, and you have a purpose. Don’t allow negativity to become the path you automatically follow just because choosing positivity requires work.

Do the work.

Tell yourself positive things.

Believe—truly believe—that you can, and you will.

When you’re worried, think about it. Pray about it or meditate on it. Then let it go.

When you surround yourself with like-minded friends, you’ll finally experience the freedom to be exactly who you were meant to be.

And then, do you know what will happen?

The experiences meant for you will find you because they recognize the greatness you carry within yourself.

Don’t keep your future waiting.

Become the person you need to be to receive it.